Anger

"I am angry"

It's not a hard thing to say. People say it all the time. Whether we are angry because we spilled some coffee on ourselves, or we are angry because we think we have no friends and our lives have no meaning and we're depressed. Whatever the reason, this anger probably stems from frustration. I learned what frustrated meant when I was a small child. My mother taught me at a young age to express my frustration and anger with words and not negative actions. So, when I felt overwhelmed, I would take a deep breathe and say "Mom, I am frustrated, can you please help me?". Well, sometimes the people around you can't always help you. Sometime the reason you are frustrated is because  no one will listen to why your frustrated (ironic I know, but true). 

So, when this happens, a normal person would do what? Maybe they would look into themselves and see if they could solve the problem on their own. Ocasionally people can't do this and all they need is their mother to listen to them

So, last summer, while I was preparing to leave my home for a year and live in Bolivia, I was a mix of emotions. I was exited beyond belief, I was a little nervous, I was intensely scared, which I covered up with exitement, of course. But most of all I was frustrated. This could have possibly been misconstrued for anger. So, when I lashed out at those close to me, it was probably only after trying to communicate and failing to get through. I regret not having the words to describe what I was feeling. But I would like those of you who witnessed my frustration and anger to realize how hard it might have been to be riding an emotional rollercoaster as big as mine alone, with no one listening to what I was feeling. 

Being here has made me tougher. So now when I am frustrated, I don't lash out at my parents, I don't throw fits like a child, I ball it up inside me until I can digest it and think it over. Well, that seems quite irrational, not talking about your feeling, you might say. Well, I do have about 20 or so other people living in this very town who are probably feeling the exact same things. So when I am sad, I often walk just 4 blocks down the road to my friend Kirsten from Canadas house, and we chat about how we are dealing with this huge rollercoaster of emotions.

If only I had had someone who knew what I was going through last year, things would have been a lot smoother then. 

Moral of this very long story is never underestimate the power of a meaningful relationship with someone who's in the same situation as you. It has truly made my exchange a lot easier. 

Another moral could be reach out to those around you even if they don't want to listen, you never know if they need to talk too (this is something I SHOULD have done, but missed my oppportunity). I love you Mom, and hope I never hurt you for being frustrated way too much and taking it out on you.

And for those of you who think I am immature for pouting and getting angry when I was frustrated, you don't know what I am going through, but I'd like to help you understand if your willing to listen (read).